Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Past ME sent me a letter on my birthday

Recently I re-enabled several old email accounts, just to see if I had missed anything other than SPAM.  I have recently began the steps to change my name for reasons I’ll discuss later, and had abandoned many old email addresses.  I say many, because I use different addresses for newsletters, social sites, and personal contacts.  I was surprised to receive an email, that I almost flagged as junk, from myself.  Apparently in September 2003, I found a site called FutureMe, where I decided to email my future self.

Now a bit of background.  In 2003, I had been divorced for three years, separated from my second fiancé, and had been laid off by a national drugstore chain after 15 years.  I was currently working for national office supply chain.  My divorce was due to my workaholism, and her infidelity.  The separation from the fiancé was also due to her infidelity.  I had just made the decision to stop dating for awhile, after a one-night stand turned into a very scary stalking situation.  More on that at another time.

So the email I sent myself was influenced by these events.  Last November on my birthday, which is when the email was set up to be sent, I received the following email from my past self:

Dear FutureMe,
Due to your continued lack of success, I’m curious.  Are you still alone, or are you married with children yet?  As it stands now, I don’t have much hope for you.

Turns out, I had reason to be cynical.  After the stalking event, I stopped dating for a year.  When I did start dating again, I became a serial dater.  My thoughts were pretty much along the lines of: if women can’t commit, or stay sane, then I’ll just use them, and stay single.  This is exactly what I’ve done for the last seven years.

So, yes, obviously this was a wake-up call from the past.  An impetus to re-evaluate my situation, what I’ve accomplished, and where I’m going.  I haven’t figured it all out yet, but this, along with other recent events in my life, have given me reason to change direction. 

So, time to write a new letter on FutureMe, set maybe five years in the future, and maybe ask myself: “What have you accomplished?” and “Are you happier?”  I wonder what my answer will be

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